Facing the Wall

"Things Happen."

"Best Laid Plans"

"Hitting a Brick Wall"

All of us find ourselves in situations which change our lives. This happened to me. At least four times I've come up against a totally new environment. After I've been knocked down, I've always come up better for the experience.

The first time my life turned completely was when I married my first husband and moved with him to Chicago. Growing up in Texas, I accepted that Texas was the best place in the World, only people who believed in Jesus would go to Heaven, and the Bible was the authority for everything. In Chicago my in-laws were uneducated, prejudiced, never went to church, were suspicious of anyone whose ancestors were not Scandinavian, and were as convinced as Texans that theirs was the only "right" way to think.

Fortunately, my years in Chicago also enabled me to meet people from many ethnic backgrounds, most of whom were kind, intelligent, broad-minded, and tolerant. The city was fascinating -- wonderful museums and concerts -- and I learned to accept differences and enjoy life in this multi-cultural mix.

In the next twenty years my husband was transferred from Chicago to Detroit to Dallas to Philadelphia and back to Chicago. Every move meant a new house, new doctors, new grocery stores, new schools for our three children. I learned to adjust and enjoy every place we lived.

After 27 years, my husband and I divorced. My life changed completely when he told me he was going to remarry. I offered to move far away and start a new life; he agreed to provide enough money for me to live decently. I went to New Mexico.

Wonderful New Mexico! New friends, great climate, diverse culture -- and mountains! Then my ex refused to sign the agreement. I was stranded, 55 years old, unable to work, with $500 a month and a $350 house payment.

I returned to Illinois to sue my ex for support. The next three years were the worst in my life. I commuted between Albuquerque and Chicago, as his lawyer found excuses to delay going to court. A few times I slept in a shelter for the homeless -- a valuable experience as I emphasized with others who were destitute.

In the midst of this trauma, I met John Durkalski. The lawsuit was settled on November 18, 1987, and John and I were married on December 26. I was 58, and John was 69. He left sons and grandchildren in Illinois and moved with me to Albuquerque.

This was the fourth big change in my life, beginning my four happiest years. John and I never quarreled. We traveled all over the U.S. and went twice to Europe. I had breast cancer. That "life threatening" disease did not change my life. John's cheerful support through months of sitting on the couch during chemo and radiation were almost as much fun as going up in the Eiffel Tower with him in Paris.

In October 1991 John's aorta burst. He survived surgery but died in January 1992. After the divorce I felt rejected, betrayed, and abandoned. After John died, I still felt surrounded and protected by his love.

John left me secure, both emotionally and financially. He continues to enable me to live comfortably. His insurance pays all my medical bills. The assets supplement Social Security. I made many trips to Europe and to China and Thailand. I have no debts. My car is paid for. When I moved back to Texas two years ago, I bought my house with cash.

Next March I will be 80 years old. I planned to celebrate with one grand trip: to India to see the Taj Mahal. Then came another life-changing blow. My kidneys are failing. The trip was cancelled. I start dialysis in November. I am stuck in Garland for the rest of my life.

So? I face a brick wall. No use banging my head against it. I'll turn around. I look at the old ladies I met at the senior center. Most of them have never been anywhere, read any books, or done anything exciting, while I've had a wonderful, interesting life!

For dialysis I will sit in a chair for five hours three times a week. I will have time to read all those books and magazines piled up on the shelf while I gadded about. Best of all, I can write essays, novels, letters, and e.mails, exchanging ideas with people all over the World.

To me facing a brick wall is an opportunity to turn around and view the World from another direction.