Changes

The inauguration of Barack Obama last week, which brought changes in our government, coincided with a major change in my life. I started dialysis.

At the dialysis center I lay in a leather recliner with a private television screen ten inches in front of my face. The attendant stuck two needles into my left arm. Attached tubes draped across my stomach, one pulling out blood and carrying it up to a machine to the right of my chair, to be filtered and pushed back into my arm through the other tube. Blood moving throughout my body provoked an odd, tingling sensation. It took four hours.

From now on I will be driving myself to the dialysis center at noon every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. At the first session I tried reading Newsweek but found it difficult to hold the magazine and turn the pages with my right hand while my left lay immobile, many strips of tape holding needles and arm in place, as my blood rushed in and out. For the rest of my life it looks like I’ll spend a lot of time with Judge Mathis and Dr. Phil.

Eighteen hours a week sitting in that big leather chair. The first session was miserable. I was cold; next time I’ll bring a big, thick blanket to wrap up. My body let me know it did not like having the blood moved through every artery, every tiny capillary, every vein. My leg muscles cramped like labor pains. The nurses assured me that things will get better as my body becomes accustomed to the treatment.

In the past I came through life-altering experiences, and the changes brought better things. The summer after I graduated from high school, surgery on my enlarged colon changed me from a miserable teenager into a happy college student. The wedding when I was 23 took me from being a genteel but provincial Texan and thrust me into the midst of uneducated Scandinavians in a vibrant, cosmopolitan Chicago. The divorce, after which the man I loved for 30 years abandoned me and tried to make me starve, lead to the second marriage where I found true love and total happiness. Then breast cancer. I lived and John died.

Life goes on. Even without John, life has been good. Big adventures on wonderful trips. Little adventures with wonderful friends, sharing meals, museums, classes, book discussions, and private talks. Life has been good.

Now dialysis. No more trips. This morning my abdomen cramped so painfully that I could not stand. At noon suddenly all the pain vanished. I feel fine. That’s life: Things happen. Things are bad. I can get through it, and everything will be all right. I am looking forward to a big party in March to celebrate my 80th birthday.

We must not fear changes n our country. I am appalled by people who refuse to support our new President. A friend sends me copies of diatribes circulating the web which attack Obama in a nasty, misleading way. These people are unwilling to face changes that must be made. They continue to live in the 20th Century. Barack Obama is dealing with two tragic wars, broken health care system, shattered economy, and a mountain of other problems. The United States is on a rocky road, but we are going to change. We must. Yes, we can.