Choices, Choices

I make choices.  Things  I must do.  Things I ought to do.  Things I want to do.  Sometimes the choices are hard, especially when there is conflict between what I ought to do and what I want to do.  At times the best choice is to do nothing.

This morning the radio woke me at 6:50 a.m.  That gives me 10 minutes to before hauling myself out of bed at 7:00 to wash my face.   Three days a week I have no choice.  I must get up early to cook my two eggs and do chores before going to dialysis. 

Today was different.  I took off the CPAP.  (I sleep with that mask on my face because of sleep apnea.)   Then I pulled the covers up under my chin and listened to classical music coming from the radio on the dresser, letting my thoughts drift.  The radio played a Schumann symphony.  My daughter is Martha Schumann, but I found myself daydreaming about other things.  I was awake but lethargic.  I pulled myself out of bed at 8:30, then sat around drinking tea in my fleece robe until 10.  Finally showered and dressed by 11:00 

Why not?  For the first time in months, there was nothing I had to do today. 

It has been a hectic time.  Martha came for a week at Thanksgiving and brought all her family.  She drove down from Chicago to Dallas with sons Doug and Richard.  Husband Don and youngest son J. J. flew in and out in Don’s plane.  David and his son Adam came from California on commercial flights, which meant trips to Love Field to pick them up and take them back three days later. 

I enjoyed seeing all of them, but their visit left me exhausted.  I finally got the sheets washed and found most of the things that Martha put away when Karl arrived for Christmas.  We went to IKEA and I bought another bookcase, which he put together.  I am grateful that he is no longer angry for making him move out of my house (at age 50!), but he brings tension as soon as he walks in.

After committing myself to a publisher, I had a lot of work to do on  “Mama Goes to Paris.”  As of this week, my editor is sending me a sample of what the book will look like in print.

Today there was nothing I had to do.  I became a lazy old woman.  It is mid-afternoon and I have not made my bed.  Dirty dishes in the sink. It would take only two minutes to put them in the dishwasher.  I have not done it.  So?

At the retirement home where I live, we visit with each other at meals.  Otherwise, we respect each other’s privacy.  No one is likely to enter my apartment until the “housekeeper” comes to mess around with her feather duster next Tuesday.  The question: How long will I choose to look at the mess?

Choices, choices.  Never thought I would live to see the year 2015.  There is nothing I can do about terrorists in Paris or Republicans in Congress.  My New Year’s resolution is to post more blogs.  But Warning!  Instead, I may choose to sit in my recliner and watch Wheel of Fortune.
  
Today I relaxed.  What bliss!