Beauty and the Batty Babe

Why did John prefer me to Nancy? John stopped dating Nancy before he met me. Why?

Certainly my appeal had nothing to do with personal appearance. Nancy was always perfectly groomed, with perfect makeup, pretty scarves at the neck of perfect dresses worn over a slim, perfect figure.

I was overweight and ugly. From the time I was a teenager, my brother Lyle convinced me that I was the ugliest girl in Texas. I gave up trying to improve my ugly face with makeup. I never had money for clothes, and by the time I knew Nancy, my basic wardrobe was five and ten years old. Even my shoes were worn and shabby.

While I was often depressed, Nancy had an upbeat, enthusiastic approach to life. Maybe too enthusiastic. She also had a naive conviction that hers was the only way to look at things.

She never understood why I didn’t want to sing with her in the barbershop chorus. I told her, “I’m glad you enjoy singing with that group.” I never said, “I will come to your concerts and listen politely, but I don’t really like barbershop music.” She would not believe that.

Nancy bombarded me – and everyone else – with questions. “Why did you do that?” “Why don’t you do this?” She told me, “You should have waited to divorce Wally until he was at the top of his profession. I waited to divorce Otto until he was at the top, and I got a good settlement.” (Yes, and a beautiful two-bedroom condo, while I was homeless.)

She ignored the fact that I filed for divorce after Wally put his big hands around my neck and chocked me. I was miserable because I still loved Wally but could not live with him because in his angry outbursts he might kill me.

I also suffered the extreme highs and lows of manic-depression. Even after my mental illness was diagnosed, I was not properly medicated. As I traveled back and forth between New Mexico and Illinois with no settled location, the doctors could not keep track of the effects of medication. So I had episodes of wild activity (driving 75 miles an hour in a 55 mph zone) or extreme lethergy (couldn’t get out of bed until noon).

In spite of my condition, Nancy took me in. She was a true friend. Still, she could be overwhelming. After I knew John, I understood why she annoyed him. But why did he choose me?

I used to say, “John was a care-giver, and when he met me, I was the woman who most needed taking care of.”

John had a wonderful, calming effect on me. He had a great wit and could see the ridiculous side of any situation. We had such good times together. After we married, we immediately went to New Mexico, where the doctor put me on lithium. My mental condition has been stabilized ever since.

After John died, one of his sons said, “You are so much like our Mom.”

Jack said, “I couldn’t see it at first, but, yes, you are like our mother.”

“I don’t look at thing like her,” I said. Vera was a tiny (size 1) brunette, much prettier than me.

“You have her personality,” my stepson said. “When you and Dad were in the next room talking, it was just like Mom and Dad.”

It did not matter that I was overweight or how I fixed my hair. It was my personality, something over which I had no control. And which fit perfectly with that wonderful man, John Durkalski. How did I meet him? That was just dumb luck!